I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar and going through hell with RLS

It has been 3 months since I posted in this blog and the reason for that is because I have been busy with my money making blog. I am sorry I have neglected this one but there is just so much to do that it is hard to keep up with everything that I have taken on. There is just not enough hours in the day to get everything done in time.

Anyway about my depression; I have gotten better thanks to the new meds I am on. I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and first I was put on Lamictal but it gave me a severe allergic reaction and I broke out in a rash. Too bad too because it was a miracle medicine. I never felt better in my whole life when I was on that for 5 weeks. I was so disappointed when I was taken off of it because of that stupid rash. Instead they put me on Seroquel. It is helping me but not as good as the Lamictal was. I am also having side effects with it but they are not as bad. They knock me out at night which in a way is good but also bad. It is good because I needed something to help me sleep but it is bad because it makes me want to sleep in too long in the morning and I don't like that.

I have also aquired restless leg syndrome right along with it. I know it is the meds causing it because it only happens when I take my pill at night. I take one of my husbands Requip and then wait, while suffering, for it to kick in then I am fine. I wouldn't wish RLS on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. You can be dead tired and it will keep you from getting to sleep. I have it so bad at night that when I take my Seroquel I want to go to sleep so bad that I can't keep my eyes open but the RLS keeps me awake. It is pure torture and hell.I am going to tell my doctor about it and find out what I should do because I can't keep going through that at night. I was up until 3:30 AM last night. If anyone doesn't know what RLS is I will tell you. It is a really bad tingly feeling in your legs and sometimes entire body. I get it all through my body. The way I can describe it is it feels like your body is trying to crawl out of your skin. You could be falling asleep and get jerked awake by the tingly feeling. You might be thinking, "Just a tingly feeling? What's so bad about that?" I will tell you what is so bad about it. You can be so tired that you can't keep your eyes open and you could get yourself all comfortable and your whole body feels like it wants to jerk. Last night I tried my damndest to ignore it but it wasn't to be ignored. It was so bad I wanted to cry. Here is how bad it is; my husband is 38 years old and he used to go through it as bad as I have started to and it made him want to cry. It got so bad for him one night he had to go to the hospital to get a valium shot to calm his nerves so he could sleep. It also gets so bad that you cannot sit still. You end up having to walk around and even stand up for awhile. I cannot stress enough how bad it is!! Anyway what I plan to do tonight is take a Requip right along with the Seroquel and see if that helps. That way they will both quick in at the same time and maybe I won't be tortured tonight and I can get some sleep. And if that works then I will call my family doctor tomorrow and make an appointment so I can be put on my own Requip. I also plan to call my psychiatrist tomorrow and let her know what is happening with these pills. I mean they are helping me a lot but I cannot keep going through this hell with the RLS.

Well that is it for this post and I swear I am going to keep this blog up to date like my other one. If you would like to visit my money making blog and find out how I am earning online then click here.

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An in between day

It has been almost a week since my last post and I apologise for that. I have been having some up days and some down days and have been busy trying to make money online. Anyway today is an in between day and I think that is the worst. I feel so so but feel really tired as well. I'm not able to get excited about the things I have been getting excited about lately and this sucks. I just wish the meds would make up my own mind for me so I can feel better all the time. I have found though that writing on this blog and other places has helped me in getting it out in the open for others to read. I just wish I didn't feel so tired because that makes it even harder to get anything done.

It is really snowing a lot outside today and I can't wait until Spring. I feel better in the Spring and summer because I am able to get outside and do different things more. I do like the snow but I hate the cold. I would rather be hot than cold. I really don't have much to say today because I feel so damn tired. I hate this feeling. :( If anyone reading this has any comments or would like to share their depression experience then please leave me a comment. I get happy when I receive comments. It shows that people are actually taking a notice on what I have to say and that they are interested. I will try to post again soon when I'm feeling a little better. Thanks for your patience.

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How I have lived with depression

Hi there,

I decided to create this blog to share my experiences I have had throughout my life with depression. I am 26 years old and have been dealing with this for a very long time. Just a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. I have been on several medications for it and nothing has worked until now. I can't be around very many people without having panic attacks and feeling like I'm being judged. I have inherited this from my father's side of the family. My grandfather has been in a mental institution since my dad was 7 and that was almost 50 years ago. My dad's 2 sisters have social anxiety disorder and 1 of his sister's is mentally retarded. My father has mental problems but he won't admit to it and refuses to get help. He really needs the help too. He is very hyper and has bad nerves and he gets angry very easily. He is also an extremely bitter man. He thinks he has a hold on his problems and nothing anyone can say will tell him otherwise. I fear he will be right where his own father is one day soon.

I have been dealing with depression for so long that when I first started feeling better I thought it was too good to be true. I was first on Lexapro and it only helped for a little while and then my husband and I got married and decided after the first year we wanted to try for a baby. So with me being on the Lexapro I was worried about having to go off of it when I got pregnant and going back to feeling bad. I didn't want to go through what a lot of first time mother's have gone through with the post-partem depression. So I did some research online and found out about Wellbrutrin and that a lot of women were taking it while they were pregnant because their doctor's said it was safe. So I went to my doctor and had a talk with her and she refused. She said she didn't agree with what people online said and that she wouldn't give it to me. So I went to my Gynecologist and asked her what she thought and she said she agreed it was safe and suggested I go to my family doctor to have a talk with him. So I did and he agreed that it was safe also and put me on it. The first year it really helped me and I was feeling much better. I was happier and more outspoken and stood up for myself and my family more. But after awhile things changed and the Wellbrutrin quit working. I was miserable again and was very close to suicide. I didn't tell my family because I was afraid they would lock me up in a mental institution and I didn't want to be like my grandfather. I was having trouble getting pregnant and still haven't been able to get pregnant and we decided that we shouldn't try for a baby anymore until I was better. So I just recently went back to my psychiatrist after 2 years and she put me back on Lexapro and it is starting to work. I am feeling a lot better than I have for a long time. I just hope it lasts because I don't want to go back to feeling like I'm worthless again. Anyway this is it for my first post. I will post again in a day or two. Thanks for reading so far. :)

Clarissa Wilson
clarissa@cwilson.ws

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