Hi there,
I decided to create this blog to share my experiences I have had throughout my life with depression. I am 26 years old and have been dealing with this for a very long time. Just a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. I have been on several medications for it and nothing has worked until now. I can't be around very many people without having panic attacks and feeling like I'm being judged. I have inherited this from my father's side of the family. My grandfather has been in a mental institution since my dad was 7 and that was almost 50 years ago. My dad's 2 sisters have social anxiety disorder and 1 of his sister's is mentally retarded. My father has mental problems but he won't admit to it and refuses to get help. He really needs the help too. He is very hyper and has bad nerves and he gets angry very easily. He is also an extremely bitter man. He thinks he has a hold on his problems and nothing anyone can say will tell him otherwise. I fear he will be right where his own father is one day soon.
I have been dealing with depression for so long that when I first started feeling better I thought it was too good to be true. I was first on Lexapro and it only helped for a little while and then my husband and I got married and decided after the first year we wanted to try for a baby. So with me being on the Lexapro I was worried about having to go off of it when I got pregnant and going back to feeling bad. I didn't want to go through what a lot of first time mother's have gone through with the post-partem depression. So I did some research online and found out about Wellbrutrin and that a lot of women were taking it while they were pregnant because their doctor's said it was safe. So I went to my doctor and had a talk with her and she refused. She said she didn't agree with what people online said and that she wouldn't give it to me. So I went to my Gynecologist and asked her what she thought and she said she agreed it was safe and suggested I go to my family doctor to have a talk with him. So I did and he agreed that it was safe also and put me on it. The first year it really helped me and I was feeling much better. I was happier and more outspoken and stood up for myself and my family more. But after awhile things changed and the Wellbrutrin quit working. I was miserable again and was very close to suicide. I didn't tell my family because I was afraid they would lock me up in a mental institution and I didn't want to be like my grandfather. I was having trouble getting pregnant and still haven't been able to get pregnant and we decided that we shouldn't try for a baby anymore until I was better. So I just recently went back to my psychiatrist after 2 years and she put me back on Lexapro and it is starting to work. I am feeling a lot better than I have for a long time. I just hope it lasts because I don't want to go back to feeling like I'm worthless again. Anyway this is it for my first post. I will post again in a day or two. Thanks for reading so far. :)
Clarissa Wilson
clarissa@cwilson.ws
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