Sorry about not posting lately

Just want to say real quick that the last post I wrote was a review on a website because in exchange for it I will receive free advertising from a blog directory. The blog directory is Blog Skinny.

Anyway on with what I wanted to say. I exchanged messages with someone from Mylot that has subscribed to this blog and this person is having a terrible time with depression and anxiety. Her anxiety is so bad that she is too afraid to leave her house long enough to go to the doctors and get the help she needs. If she is reading this I urge you to please try to at least leave your house long enough to get the help you need. I used to be just like this. My anxiety was so bad that I was afraid to leave the house just to go tot he doctors but I realized I couldn't live like this forever and I forced myself to go. And I am so glad I did because now I am on the right medication that controls the panic attacks so I am able to go shopping, visit my in-laws, and go to the doctors. I even want my husband to take me to the fair next month and there will be a lot of people there but I think I can do it. So if anyone is going through this same thing you need to get help now!! If not you will be like this for the rest of your life and how can you live life if you don't get the help you need? How can you live life if you're too afraid to go anywhere.

So please go get on medication and talk to a counselour because once you are on the medication that is right for you, you will be glad you did. My husband and I went to visit my mom the other day and she said that my aunt and cousin, who is older than me, was there visiting. My cousin is having this same problem. She has it so bad that she hardly said a word to my mom and it was only my mom, my aunt and her there. I'm telling you that is way worse than I was because I was ok as long as there was only a few people in the room but she started having a panic attack when it was just the 3 of them in the room. I told my mom that she needs to tell her what I went through and that I am on such good medication now that I am getting better and better everyday. I promised myself that I wouldn't live like my dad's family and I won't. I have gotten the help I need and I feel so much better with the medication. I am taking Seroquel and Zoloft and it is working wonders for me. So please take my advice and do this for yourself.

Tomorrow I will post some links to a few articles I wrote for Associated Content that might be of help to anyone with depression and Bi-Polar.

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I have graduated

I went to see my doctor on the 18th and told her that both medications, Zoloft and Seroquel are working. The night before I did not get any sleep because I ran out of my meds too soon. Without these pills I cannot sleep. So if you're on Seroquel for Bi-Polar disorder then make sure you count your pills when you get them filled because the pharmacy shorted me one and it could happen to anyone. Now I know that I cannot go without them for the rest of my life. So I'm dependent on yet another pill.

Anyway since I missed a dose I had not one but 2 bad days because of it. My husband and I got into a fight because I picked one with him. That is what happens when you have Bi-Polar. If you are not on meds or if your meds aren't working you will pick a fight with anyone and everyone. But now I'm back on track and my doc gave me a few extra samples just in case the pharmacy shorted me again. So I repeat, count your pills when you get them.

Now Seroquel also causes weight gain and I do not want to gain weight but when she first put me on them I did gain a few pounds. I did not like that one bit so I started walking more and I have lost at least a pound. Not much but at least I lost something. I plan to lose a few more.

My husband also had to go see his doctor and neither one of us like her one bit. She is so stuck up it's like she has a needle stuck in her butt, lol. Anyway he got into an argument with her because she won't give him anything to help him sleep so he asked if he could see the nurse practitioner, Lori, she is the one I see. I call her my doctor even though she is not a doctor. She helps the doctors by taking on some of their patients and I asked her if I could see her instead of my doctor. She is a lot better than the doctors because she actually listens and she actually cares about us unlike the stuck up doctors who only care about the money. So my husband will be seeing her too and I know she will give him something to help him sleep.

Yesterday, July 21st, was my birthday. I turned 27 and I was depressed the whole day. I Haven't accomplished anything at all and here I am already 27. I got married but I haven't had kids and probably will never be able to because of all the meds I'm on and because I have cysts on my ovaries. I like to write but I haven't been published but I am still working on that. I just need to get my life figured out and get things done because life is way too short.

Anyway when I was following Lori into the room where the appointments are made the receptionist asked if I was coming back in 4 weeks like my husband because she had already made my appointment on the same day. Lori says, "Nope, she has graduated to 8 weeks." That is because these pills are working so good for me. I still wish I could have been kept on the Lamictal because I swear those pills were a miracle for me. I was so happy on them. But it was just my luck that I ended up breaking out in a rash from them. Oh well at least something is finally helping me.

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Check out my articles I wrote for Associated Content

If you would like to get paid to write articles then join Associated Content for free.

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Maybe the Zoloft is finally working

I have had a pretty good weekend. I know the seroqoul is working and I think the Zoloft is working finally. I have only been on it for a couple of weeks. I have been pretty busy all weekend and haven't had time to get things done online but I'm trying to get caught up with all of my blogs. Tomorrow I hope I will have time to start my new blog. It will be a blog just for other blog reviews. I have a whole lot of other blogs bookmarked so I will be doing reviews of them and giving some link love to my fellow bloggers. I did start this on my blogchex blog but I don't think any of the "pay you to blog" sites accept blogchex blogs so I am starting it with blogger.

Anyway I have been feeling better lately and I will keep posting about how I'm doing on this medication. Here is something interesting my counselour told me the other day. It seems that I am not only Bi-Polar but I also have Social Phobia, Agoraphobia, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Panic Disorder. I guess I'm totally messed up in the head. I get this from my dad's side of the family because my grandfather has been in a mental institution since my dad was 7 and now my dad is 54, my dad's brother is agoraphobic, 2 of his sisters are mentally retarded and 2 of them have social anxiety disorder or if you want to call it social phobia it is the same thing. There is one big difference with me and them though; I have gotten the help I needed so desperately and am overcoming it. I am getting through it. I still can't go to social events and I still shake when I go grocery shopping but I am slowly trying to be normal whatever that may be. My dad has some big issues mentally and emotionally and refuses to get help. I feel so bad for him because I know what he is going through but he won't get help. No matter how many times I tell him that he will feel better on medication and that the place I go to will give him free samples and won't charge him for going there until he gets health insurance he still won't do it. There was a time that I thought my husband and I had him talked into it but no go and I don't think he will ever get the help he needs. It saddens me because I know that he is screaming inside his own head and he is so unhappy but you can't force someone to get help if they don't want it. I feel so bad for my dad but there is nothing I can do about it except be there for him and listen to him when he goes on and on about his job or something else he complains about. As much as he drives us all nuts with his constant ramblings he is still my father and I love him and will always be here for him no matter what. Even though my dad would rather talk to my husband and he doesn't show me that he loves me I still love him and I always will. I can't even think about when the time comes for my parents to die. It is something that I just can't think about because it will drive me deeper into the insanity that I am already in. I love them and have always been close to them and can't think about life without them. I still don't cuss around them and I don't smoke around my father. My mom doesn't mind and I am going to be 27 this month but sometimes I still feel like a child when I'm around them. Sometimes I want to go climb on my dad's lap like I did when I was a little girl and sometimes I want to grab my mom and kiss her and hug her as much as I can. I know I could kiss them and hug them as much as I can but I don't want to make them feel awkward because I'm an adult. Or maybe I will feel awkward instead of them.

Today is my brothers birthday. If he was still alive today he would be turning 37. He died when he was 22. Him and his wife were getting a divorce because he found out she was cheating on him with one of his so called friends. He asked her for a divorce but she didn't want one. She instead had him killed by his so called friend that she was cheating with. Of course we all believe and always will believe that she is the the one who did the actual shooting. We think that her boyfriend just took the blame for her. Now her boyfriend is dead and she is still walking free. Her boyfriend killed himself a few years ago. We think maybe he couldn't live with the guilt anymore. I don't know but if my brother would have never met her he would be living a happy life today. He was an alcoholic and drug addict back then but right before he was killed he was trying to get his life straightened out. He was planning on going to art school. He was a talented artist and he also wrote poems. I got his poetic side but I can only write poems when I'm depressed. My brother was the same way. You could be totally depressed and all you had to do was call him up and he would make you laugh until your sides hurt. He was a great big brother. I was 12 when he died. It would have been nice to get to know him as an adult. This is for you Tom; Happy Birthday. We love you and miss you with all our hearts and souls. I will see you one day on the other side.

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I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar and going through hell with RLS

It has been 3 months since I posted in this blog and the reason for that is because I have been busy with my money making blog. I am sorry I have neglected this one but there is just so much to do that it is hard to keep up with everything that I have taken on. There is just not enough hours in the day to get everything done in time.

Anyway about my depression; I have gotten better thanks to the new meds I am on. I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and first I was put on Lamictal but it gave me a severe allergic reaction and I broke out in a rash. Too bad too because it was a miracle medicine. I never felt better in my whole life when I was on that for 5 weeks. I was so disappointed when I was taken off of it because of that stupid rash. Instead they put me on Seroquel. It is helping me but not as good as the Lamictal was. I am also having side effects with it but they are not as bad. They knock me out at night which in a way is good but also bad. It is good because I needed something to help me sleep but it is bad because it makes me want to sleep in too long in the morning and I don't like that.

I have also aquired restless leg syndrome right along with it. I know it is the meds causing it because it only happens when I take my pill at night. I take one of my husbands Requip and then wait, while suffering, for it to kick in then I am fine. I wouldn't wish RLS on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. You can be dead tired and it will keep you from getting to sleep. I have it so bad at night that when I take my Seroquel I want to go to sleep so bad that I can't keep my eyes open but the RLS keeps me awake. It is pure torture and hell.I am going to tell my doctor about it and find out what I should do because I can't keep going through that at night. I was up until 3:30 AM last night. If anyone doesn't know what RLS is I will tell you. It is a really bad tingly feeling in your legs and sometimes entire body. I get it all through my body. The way I can describe it is it feels like your body is trying to crawl out of your skin. You could be falling asleep and get jerked awake by the tingly feeling. You might be thinking, "Just a tingly feeling? What's so bad about that?" I will tell you what is so bad about it. You can be so tired that you can't keep your eyes open and you could get yourself all comfortable and your whole body feels like it wants to jerk. Last night I tried my damndest to ignore it but it wasn't to be ignored. It was so bad I wanted to cry. Here is how bad it is; my husband is 38 years old and he used to go through it as bad as I have started to and it made him want to cry. It got so bad for him one night he had to go to the hospital to get a valium shot to calm his nerves so he could sleep. It also gets so bad that you cannot sit still. You end up having to walk around and even stand up for awhile. I cannot stress enough how bad it is!! Anyway what I plan to do tonight is take a Requip right along with the Seroquel and see if that helps. That way they will both quick in at the same time and maybe I won't be tortured tonight and I can get some sleep. And if that works then I will call my family doctor tomorrow and make an appointment so I can be put on my own Requip. I also plan to call my psychiatrist tomorrow and let her know what is happening with these pills. I mean they are helping me a lot but I cannot keep going through this hell with the RLS.

Well that is it for this post and I swear I am going to keep this blog up to date like my other one. If you would like to visit my money making blog and find out how I am earning online then click here.

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