Frustrated, Angry, Irritated? All of the Above!

I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Degenerative Disc Disease and Arthritis of the back. I cannot go out in public without having panic attacks. I have severe mood swings which consist of severe depression and severe anger. I cannot stand in one spot too long before my back starts hurting severely and I cannot sit in one spot too long without a pillow behind my back before it starts hurting really bad. I am on medication for the depression, Bipolar and social anxiety disorder but it doesn't help all the time. I still have these problems. I used to be on meds for the rest but lost my medical so had to quit going to see my family doctor. The only reason I am on meds for mental health is because they are giving me free meds and allowing me to see a doctor for free until I get on SSI. Yet, today I get another denial letter from Social Security saying I am not disabled. How the hell do they know I am not disabled? They don't know what I go through every day just to get through the day. Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. Sometimes I want to die and think of ways to kill myself. The only reason I haven't committed suicide yet is because for one I am afraid of death and two, I don't want to leave my family behind and hurt them. I am so sick of fighting with social security! I just want to give up but I can't. If I give up I lose my medication and the little bit of help I am getting now. I can't go through that again!

They can give it to drug addicts and alcoholics and they can give it to people who pretend they have problems just so they don't have to work anymore yet they don't want to give it to me. My dad says it is because of my age but I know people who are on it and are the same age or younger. Yeah, I am 31 years old. I know I am young but dammit, this isn't fair at all.

I have to appeal it now and have 60 days to appeal it before having to apply again. I have to write them a letter asking to appeal. I cannot write it today because I will go off in the letter and tell them how I feel about their system. So I will have to give myself a couple of days to calm down before I write the letter. Then, I think I will get a lawyer again like I did last time. Not the same one I had before because they didn't help obviously. A different one that will maybe actually help me this time. I am so sick of this life!