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Principles of depression

Low mood, Anxiety, Delusions, Memory and concentration problems, Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy - one may think these are no big deal but just a normal reaction to stress at work, overdue bills, taxes, family quarrels or whatever.

However, when these symptoms are followed by sleep problems (either insomnia or oversleeping), eating disorders (increase or decrease in appetite), constipation, period irregularities, decreased libido, constant feeling of tiredness - one of the most possible diagnosis’ is depression.

It is obvious that to get over negative symptoms of a sickness one should understand it's origin. In this post I would like to quote one of the clearest yet simple explanations on how depression occurs I've ever read:

"The stress system relies on two key hormones: adrenaline and cortisol. In short, adrenaline works in the short term, while cortisol has large momentum and works in the long term.

adrenalin, cortisol, stress systemIt is important to realize that the stress system can also be activated if your brain perceives danger or any kind of threat. In the first stage, this triggers the release of adrenaline into the bloodstream to prepare the body for action. As a result, your heart beats faster, you begin to sweat, your breath becomes shallower, and your senses become more acute. This is the so-called fight or flight response to the stressor event, and was quite adequate during most of our evolution, when these events were quite specific and usually short-term. Problems with chronic stress arise because in a modern society we cannot escape easily from the stressor, be it an overbearing boss, crowded cities, or traffic jams.

The effect of the stress hormones on the brain is curious and not what you might expect. The initial surge of adrenaline will make you feel good, though not quite in the same way as with serotonin. The difference is that adrenaline will make you feel euphoric and accelerated, whereas serotonin produces a state which could be described as that of quiet bliss. However, as far as the communication between neurons is concerned, adrenaline can compensate for low levels of serotonin. There is, alas, a serious drawback of adrenaline: together with it comes cortisol, the yang of the stress hormones. depression, adrenalin, cortisol

Just as your levels of adrenaline start coming down, so rises the amount of cortisol flowing through your veins. Moreover, cortisol has a much larger momentum than adrenaline, which means that even though it builds up slowly, it also takes a long time to go back to normal. And should you constantly be engaging in activities which require adrenaline, so will your levels of cortisol slowly increase. Together with the rise of cortisol and the decrease of adrenaline, come the nasty side-effects of the stress hormones. It is at this moment that you feel bad, anxious, and having lots of negative thoughts.

To complete the picture of how chronic stress causes depression, there remains one critical factor to be explained: high-levels of stress hormones will over time diminish your brain's ability to produce serotonin. The exact mechanism by which this happens is still subject to discussion, but the general consensus is that sleep is the key. The reason is that higher levels of stress hormones mean less sleep, which is fundamental for the brain to restore its ability to produce serotonin".

from: Demystifying Depression by Name of Feather

If you came this far, I hope you have understood the basics of how the depression build-up works: More stress hormones mean less happiness hormones which means depression. Now as we know the roots of evil we may proceed to cure methods.

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I am back

Well it has been a while since I wrote anything on any of my blogs. Two reasons for that, one I was having major computer problems and also writers block but the main reason is that I had to get a new computer. Now I am finally back and hope to have all of my blogs updated soon. It took me a while to log into my blog account and that is another reason I haven't been able to write anything.

Depression wise, things are good. I'm taking my pills like I'm supposed to and am planning on going back to school soon. My hubby got out of jail and is doing good. So not really much to talk about on this blog but I will be updating my other blogs with a few things.
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How was everyone's Christmas?

To tell you the truth mine was bad. I have been pretending that I was happy for all of my online friends but the truth is I didn't have a Christmas. My husband never did get out of jail like we were hoping and now he won't be out until January 17th so I didn't get my one and only Christmas wish. I hope everyone else had a good Christmas though. Since my hubby has been in jail I was put on Clonopin for my nerves. This is because of how depressed I have been from missing him so much. They help but I still miss him a lot and can't wait until he comes home. I am planning a big dinner and I am actually trying to make enough money online to be able to buy him a nice Christmas present for his homecoming.

I didn't want anyone to buy me anything but of course my mom bought me a nice warm robe and my aunt bought me a new hat and scarf. It was nice of them to think of me but I truly didn't want them to buy me anything because I couldn't afford to buy anyone anything because of the debt I am in. I only wanted one thing and that was for my husband to come home. Anyway I really didn't want to talk about this but I needed to get it off of my chest and what better way than to write it in my depression blog since I am depressed. Anyway, here's hoping that the New year brings all of us better things and here's to hoping that next Christmas will be better. I hope I didn't bring anyone down for writing this but I had to write it down to see if I could feel a little better. It really didn't work though. Thanks for reading my depressing ramblings.

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Do you ask yourself "Why does God allow suffering?"

I will tell you from first hand experience that I have been through hell and back in my days. I am still young but I sure have been through a lot as, I'm sure, everyone has. We all have our bad days and our good days but what happens when we go through a really awful time and it seems like there is no hope of ever getting back to the good times? I can tell you the things I have been through have been hard and sometimes it seems like once something bad happens everything falls down on me after. Sometimes it's like a domino effect; one bad thing follows another and another and another until it seems like we just can't take it anymore and feel all hope is lost. But have you ever really sat down and thought about why these bad things happen? I have and to tell you the truth I have learned a lot of things while having a streak of bad luck. The terrible ordeals I have been through have only made me stronger and made me decide to reach out to God more.

In my last post I told you about how my husband went to jail for driving without his license and even though it is a bad thing because I miss him terribly I have realized that that was God's way of telling us "Hey you can't be driving." You know why he shouldn't be driving? Because he has a seizure disorder and the last time he was behind the wheel he had a seizure while driving and almost died. About a short month after he went to court, and this was his second offense, and the judge sentenced him to 90 days in jail. Sure we were upset, mad, even angry with God. We wondered why God could let this happen. I think there are a couple of other reasons this happened to us. One reason could be because I depended on my husband too much and I think I needed to learn how to live on my own and take care of myself and do things that I never had to do before because my husband was always here to do them. I never, ever imagined that I would be without him one day but you know what? This is not the only time I will be without him and this is only temporary because he will hopefully be home within the next week or so. I have realized that one day, if his time comes before mine, he will be gone and I won't get to be with him again until I get to heaven. So maybe this was God's way of telling me I had to live on my own and do things for myself. For example, one of my cats died a couple of weeks ago, she was only about a month old, and I found her dead and cried my eyes out of course but my husband wasn't here to bury her like he has done for all of our other animals we have lost over the years. So I buried her and I have never buried an animal before in my entire life. But I did it and it wasn't hard to do, except it was hard on my heart, but it wasn't physically hard.

Another thing I have learned, and my husband has too since being in jail and away from me, is that we have such a deep and strong love for each other we can get through anything life throws at us. It seems our love has grown even stronger since we have been apart and we miss each other so much it hurts but we know it won't be too much longer before he gets home. This is just another example of God trying to tell us something.

Anyway I found a wonderful website that talks about reasons why God allows suffering. There is so much evil in this world and a lot of suffering. A lot of people are suffering much more than I am and I have also learned that. Some people think their life is so bad that no one can possibly have it worse but a lot of people are so much worse off than you and I. What about the homeless? What about people in different countries who are starving or freezing to death? What about the many innocent people who die in terrorists attacks every day in certain countries? What about children who are abused either sexually, mentally, or physically? Think about what they might be going through and then ask yourself if your life is really that bad.

I know people who complain about everything and I do mean everything. They complain about the house they live in or the car they drive or the job they have. They complain about the food they eat and the clothes they wear. Ok to those people I say, at least you have a house to live in and a car to drive. At least you have a job and even if it doesn't pay that much at least it pays the bills. At least you have clothes to wear and food to eat. A lot of people don't have homes, food, cars, jobs, money or anything. So be thankful for what you do have and Thank God for what you do have. I know I am thankful every day for the roof over my head and food in my fridge. I might not have money for Christmas presents this year but the best Christmas present I could have is my husband home and food on our table. That is all I want. Of course I want things to get better for everyone but I am not worried about going out and spending money on presents that I don't have because all I need is my family and a nice dinner to sit down to with them.

Sorry for the long article but this website really made me think about life and why people suffer. The reason I have come up with is because God wants us to learn from the bad things that happen. I can't really say why God allows so many people to suffer such as the homeless, or abused children but I can say that the bad things I have gone through have made me the strong person I am today and has made me really reach out to God and to be thankful for the things I do have instead of complaining about the things I don't have. Why worry about material possessions in this world when we won't be taking them with us to the next world?

Anyway if you do have that question burning in your mind and heart, "Why does God allow suffering?" then please click on the link and check out this wonderful website. There is a course you can take to help you understand more about why there is so much suffering in the world today and maybe even open you up to new ideas and new insights about God and how much He does love all of us and is there for all of us. Maybe this course will help you to understand more about God's will and what he wants you to do with your life. We all have a purpose in life and maybe this will help you find yours. Anyway God bless and Merry Christmas!
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Sorry it has been a while

It has been a long time since I last posted and for that I am sorry. I have been busy and have had a lot of stuff going on in my life. Too much for me to handle but I have finally accepted it.

My husband is in jail right now for driving without his license. I know he shouldn't have done it but we had no other way to get around considering I do not have my license yet. The reason I don't have mine is because with this social phobia I also now have a driving phobia. I can drive and I am trying to get over it but I get scared when there is a lot of traffic and I also get scared at night. I am not afraid of the dark I am just afraid to drive in the dark. But I have to get over it so I got my permit again and now I need to practice my parking because that is the main thing I am afraid I will fail because I cannot park in between 2 cars.

So anyway in order for my husband to get to work he had to drive himself and the reason he doesn't have his license is because he had too many DUI's from the past and they took them. So in order for him to get them back he has to pay a $675 re-instatement fee. So we got pulled over and got a speeding ticket and he had to go to court and then he was in a bad car wreck because he had a seizure at the wheel and had to go in front of the same judge so he got 90 days in jail. At least he is alive because he almost died in that wreck. I miss him terribly though. We talk on the phone every once in a while and I can see him every Thursday. We also write to each other but it is not the same. I want him home with me where he belongs.

So since he is in jail I had to have my Serouquel reduced back down to 200 mgs. instead of 400 because 400 knocks me out so bad that I can't wake up for anything. With him being gone I need to be alert in case a fire happens or anything else. So she reduced that and increased my Zoloft to 100 mgs. It seems to be working out ok but she also had to put me on Klonopin to help calm my nerves. I was crying myself to sleep every night for the first 2 weeks. I am ok now and have accepted it and I know he will be home soon. I look forward to his phone calls and his letters and to be able to see him once a week. I miss him so much though. He is my best friend, my husband, my partner for life.

Anyway I will write again soon. :)
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A lot has happened lately

Wow a lot has happened since I last posted and it hasn't been all that great. I really don't know where to start. Well my husband has a seizure disorder along with the many other things he has wrong with him, including Bi-Polar Disorder, depression, deteriated disks in his lower back, Restless leg syndrome and many other things. The thing is with his seizure disorder that the meds he is on, Dilantin, has kept his seizures under control and he hasn't had one in over two years and that has been great, Well on September, 7th he woke up early as usual and woke me up to let me know that he was driving up to the store to get a pack of cigarettes. I was half asleep but I heard him. I couldn't have imagined that what happened within 10 minutes later would have happened because like I said he hasn't had a seizure in over two years, which has been wonderful for both of us. Do you know anyone who has a seizure disorder? Have you ever seen someone go through one before? If not, it is not a pretty sight. Anyway back to what happened next.

I remember I decided to get up and lay down on the living couch and fall back to sleep. See I'm not an early bird like my husband is. He gets up at the crack of dawn almost every day and I like to sleep in until 9am as often as I can. This was around 7 am when all of this happened and it happened so fast it was like a dream. I remember yelling at the puppy that we have been dog sitting for the past two weeks because he wanted me to get up and play and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. And then I remember someone pounding on our front door so I got up and looked out the window to see who it was. This man was outside so I ran outside to see what he wanted and that is when he told me the most dreadful thing , my husband was in a very bad car accident and I need to get up there to him. I asked him where it happened and he said right up the road. He wanted to give me a ride up but I needed to throw a pair of sweats on because I was sleeping in my husband's boxers so I told him I would walk up since it was right up the road. So he left and I hurried up and threw on a pair of sweats and socks and shoes, put the puppy in the hallway and shut the doors so he wouldn't make a mess of the place while I was gone. I started running up the road and my neighbor from up the road was driving by. He stopped to ask me where I was going and what was wrong because he could tell I was extremely upset. I told him and he told me to hop in and he would take me up to where my husband was. When I got there I ran right to the Ambulance my husband was in and this guy stopped me to ask me some questions about my husband. After that I jumped in the ambulance and was relived to see that my husband was ok. He was laying on the stretcher and had a neck brace on. He grabbed my hand as soon as I got there and said that he told them he wasn't leaving for the hospital until I got there. He wanted me to sit back there with him and so did I but they don't allow that anymore. Since I had no other way to the hospital they said I could ride up front with the driver. After they asked me about his meds and a few more questions I jumped up front and we left.

I'm telling you God or an Angel was with my husband that morning because when I saw our car I felt like I was going to puke. He flipped the car and rolled it until it was upside down. My God he could have died! Luckily the guy that had come down to let me know about it was the one who cut him out of the car. They had to cut the seatbelt and not only did that seatbelt save his life but it almost killed him too because it was choking him. And with the car upside down the way it was if they wouldn't have gotten him out of the car it might have exploded because of the gas leaking out and then he would have burnt to death. He was so lucky to have survived it.

He said he didn't even remember leaving the driveway that morning and when he wrecked and came to he thought he was dreaming so he closed his eyes again. Then he realized he wasn't dreaming and he started screaming for me. I think he thought I was in the car with him and that I didn't survive. They said that if I would have been with him I would have either died or been severely injured because the whole passenger side was caved in and the windshield was shattered.

I keep thinking that if I would have been in the car then maybe I could have stopped it from happening. The reason I think this is because maybe when I noticed him going into a seizure I could have taken the wheel and jerked the car off the road and hit the brakes. But my husband said there would have been nothing I could have done and I probably would have died on the spot. It is scary to even think about it. And even though I wasn't with him when it happened I had nightmares 2 days afterwards because I saw the car upside down and I couldn't get that image out my head for a few days.

So now we are without a car and even though that sucks because of where we live we need a car but all I care is that my husband is alive and that I wasn't with him and I am alive because of that. They did X-Rays and C.T Scan on him at the hospital and everything came back fine but of course his Dilantin level was really low. So the doctor has upped his dose to 3 pills a day instead of 2.

The messed up thing about it is that a day before it happened our car insurance was canceled because we couldn't afford to pay it but we were supposed to have a 10 day grace period. Well now they are saying we had no grace period so they won't pay for us to get another car. I told my husband that he needs to call them back because we did have a grace period and now they are trying to screw us out of getting a car. We live out in the country and we desperately need a new car and until we can come up with the money for another one we have to rely on my parents for a ride and they both work 6 days a week so it is rather hard for us to get where we need to go.

Anyway I am going to try my hardest to make the money we need online to get another car. It doesn't have to be new and it doesn't have to be nice. It just has to run and get us from point A to point B.

This is all for now and I will try to post again tomorrow. Please friends, pray for things to get better for us. We will appreciate all of your prays and thoughts. Thank you for listening to my yapping but I had to talk about it. With this being my depression blog it is appropriate to post it here since it is rather depressing what we are going through right now. I will also post a little about it on my other blog. Thanks for reading and please pray for us. :)
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A warning about Mirapex

Mirapex is a new restless leg syndrome medication. When I went to see my family doctor he decided to put me on that instead of Requip, even though I specifically asked for Requip. He said Requip would counteract with my anti depressants. Well he was really wrong because the Mirapex counteracted with my meds instead. It not only made my RLS worse but it also made me so depressed that I was actually having suicidal thoughts. I quit taking it immediately and felt fine afterwards. So it was definitely the Mirapex. So if you are on Mirapex and anti-depressants also then please be careful. Report any side effects to your doctor immediately.

Even though I have quit taking the Mirapex I am still feeling extremely depressed and it is not due to any meds. Although my Zoloft might have to be upped a little more. What my main problem is our bills are piling up and I need to find a full time writing job fast. My husband needs to find a new job also. I feel like the whole damn world is crashing down around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening. That is all I feel like writing right now but I hope to feel better enough to write something positive next time. Sorry if I brought anyone down with me.
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