There's someone who talks to you all the time who has the power to change your life. She constantly gives her opinion and comments on everything you do from your job performance and parenting skills to your personal appearance and dreams for the future. If that person has supportive, positive things to say, you can achieve anything you want in life. If she is negative, nagging and critical however, she can destroy you. Who is that someone? It's you.
Self-talk describes the way you talk to yourself. It's that little voice inside your head that says, "You look awesome today," or "I can't believe you wore that out of the house." It's that running commentary that fuels our actions, the way we think about ourselves, how well we function and what we achieve. While many people think they have no control over their self-talk, the fact is, it's almost entirely under your control. That is, if you train your brain to "talk nice."
Follow these five tips for turning negative self-talk into powerful and positive self-talk:
Notice if you're spending most of your time saying positive, uplifting things like, "You totally rocked that," or negative, critical things like, "You are so stupid." Jot notes throughout your day on what your inner voice is saying. Then, conduct an inventory. If most of your self-talk is positive, pay attention to any areas that could be improved and keep up the good work. If your self-talk is insulting, critical and mean, it's time to ditch that bad habit.
Whenever you notice yourself engaging in negative self-talk, stop yourself mid-thought and think, "Stop!" or some other word that puts a hard stop on self-abuse. Maybe your word is, silence, kindness, or even mind your manners. The point is to stand up for yourself and call a truce with your inner-bully.
Some negative self-talk can be useful, as long as it's not self-destructive. For instance, if you realize you've made a mistake and catch yourself saying, "Dude, you blew it," grab that thought and label it "mistake." In this example, "you blew it," sends a signal that you need to amend a mistake. If you catch yourself saying, "nothing good ever happens to me," label that "pity" and ask yourself why you're feeling so sorry for yourself. Whether it's a "mistake" or "pity," find a way to amend the problem rather than let negative self-talk bring you down.
Whenever you catch yourself engaging in mean self-talk and after you've put a stop to it, turn that thought around and say something compassionate and kind. For example, when you catch yourself thinking, "You just made a fool of yourself," say, "Stop," then reframe that thought to: "Not your best moment, but you did just fine." No need to go over the top or be insincere, but you do need to be kind, compassionate, and polite. Talk to yourself the way you would your best friend. LeslieBeth Wish, psychologist and author of Smart Relationships asks, "If your friend told you she uses the same negative words about herself, how would you respond? What encouraging tips would you give her? Now use this advice to your friend for yourself!" She says this technique works because we are often blind to our own issues. We tend to see them better when they are—or appear—to be happening to someone else.
Start your day by looking in the mirror and paying yourself a compliment. Look yourself right in your eyes and say, "Looking good, my friend" or "you are so amazing, you're about to create your best day ever." Then, pepper your day with self-compliments and mini-motivational lectures that keep your spirits high.
Once you've trained your brain to be nice to yourself, go further and train yourself to dream big, think grand thoughts and provide yourself all the praise, encouragement and support you need to make those dreams come true. As Dale Carnegie once said, "It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about."
LeslieBeth Wish, EDD, MSS, reviewed this article.
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